Sometimes we resist change because we focus on what we have to give up and not on what we’re getting in exchange.
It’s literally like wanting to have your cake and eat it too, and not gain any weight (wouldn’t that be nice, especially this time of year!).
Picture if you will, having both an inner committee of champions and a committee of assholes. Things can get a little chaotic depending on who shows up for the meeting, especially if no one wants to chair the meeting.
I’ve given up sugar and flour for health reasons and I recently broke the rule when WTF showed up to chair the meeting so…yeah… that’s how that went.
Looking back, there were a lot of indications the meeting was about to go sideways. I had an absolute tech meltdown that consumed the better part of my day and things went downhill from there.
Things I normally find inspiring instead led to me making comparisons as the DRAMA QUEEN started with theatrics and the JUDGE showed up in full robes. Then Eeyore shows up and brings everyone down, leaving me looking happy on the outside but feeling miserable on the inside. That’s about when WTF showed up and started running the show. I think we’ve all been there. We throw up our hands and say “F#& this!”
We have this multifaceted awareness and our inner observer watches all of this chaos from the outside. You can choose to step in, but don’t. Today I want to explore why that is. Why do we trip ourselves on the way to where we want to go?
Conscious awareness is where change happens. Having this awareness is key to moving past behaviours that don’t serve us and allowing ourselves to dive into curiosity and investigate what’s motivating the behaviour. It isn’t easy and we might not like it, but it is critical to obtaining and maintaining change.
Awareness helps us understand the meeting process and empowers us to take control when things start going off the rails.
Stage 1: Commitment of Powerlessness. In this stage we feel everything we experience happens to us and is out of our control, we often blame the world for our circumstances.
Stage 2: Commitment to Overcoming Challenges. We have control over external circumstances and we seek change through engaging in change.
Stage 3: Commitment to Power Through Ownership. Taking responsibility for our choices and cultivate a good relationship with ourselves. We see the world as a reflection of our inner selves.
Stage 4: Commitment to Receiving for no Reason. We accept ourselves for who we are. We can choose to change, but it’s not a requirement.
I think the last one got missed somewhere along the way for most of us. Whether the missing piece was not feeling accepted by our parents or peers as a child, or in a relationship or our careers, if this piece is missing we will keep pursuing what we think we want. This can result in an emptiness because we use external reference points as our measure of success.
So, the moral of the story here is that, through awareness and effort, you can choose to chair your inner Committee of Assholes. They are part of who you are, like them of not. When you find WTF creeping around the door, waiting to crash the party, you can choose to change course or reach out and ask for help, or just sit and watch things unfold. This meeting can be about anything – food, exercise, watching TV, Facebook, work…the addictive behaviour, whatever it is, is what creates the problem for us. It doesn’t matter what it is, if we are operating from compulsion, it’s not healthy.
For most people (actively choosing to change their behaviour), this cycle will get shorter and shorter and instead of being derailed for a few weeks, it may only be a fleeting moment. Conscious awareness lets my inner highest self (the boss lady) back into the game, which shortens the cycle and makes it more effective. I won’t mislead you on this – there will be detours and you will fall off the rails.
Create a network, whether that be friends or strangers online, so you aren’t doing this by yourself. Use supports and resources and be connected to something bigger than yourself, it will help keep you accountable. Sharing with others allows them to reflect back to you. If we keep it to our inside voice, the committee of assholes will take over and get more aggressive. Saying it publicly interrupts the process and calls in the Committee of Champions…who are much nicer than those assholes.