Full disclosure–I have three amazing coaches in my life right now. One is stellar on all things business: growing the company, building systems, branding and marketing. I lean on her and her team to help me map out where I’m going and what needs to happen next. She stretches me to dream bigger and higher. Another is my best practices coach where we work on me: my skills as a coach, how to be better, improve and increase my effectiveness for clients.

And then there is Helen–my “me”coach who has seen me through my coaching certification program, watched me develop my practice and who brings a depth of knowing to our conversations that gets me out of my own way. Every. Time.

And she did it again, last week.

Having great friends and great coaches who can listen, ask thought provoking questions, invite us to probe a little deeper, and talk us (okay, me) off the ledge of doubt and insecurity, is required for survival.

For the last few weeks I have been pushing my edge to be better and to leap, but I forgot to trust. I started doubting myself, feeling inadequate, comparing myself to where I want to be, and, and, and…(An overachiever at heart, I can burn rubber into the negativity too).

When I’m spiraling down the rabbit hole, asking “why” is never my best choice. Why do I talk myself into a tight spin when I know to trust , trust what I know, trust I’m supported, and trust it will all come together. Why do I question and doubt myself when I have proof it’s all working out?

Last week, I mentioned Polarity Therapy: negative, neutral and positive poles that co-exist in our lives. Noticing which energetic state we are in provides insights to where we are in our thoughts, our experience and our life.

Perhaps you too can relate to my inner spiral:

I knew I wanted to improve a slide deck for a presentation I’m both excited and a little nervous about, so I ask all things business coach what needed to change.

TA DA! She sent me clear, concise direction with examples from her own work. Yes! I got it. Now I know where I’m going and I understand why.

CRAP! How?! I don’t know how. I know what I want. But how am I going to pull this off in very tight time constraints and meet my deadlines?

TA DA! Ask for help. Get out of my own way and send the old slide deck to a graphic artist and ask for changes.

YAY! He was able to do all the changes quickly.

CRAP! It’s still not where I want or need it to be. I don’t know how to communicate it any differently. I’m frustrated. I can’t go back. The old won’t do. I’ve already updated my mindset for the new. SH*T!

OMG! I have spent hours (okay days) finding new images, working on the background, formatting, etc. It’s not coming together. I’m starting to panic. I’m close to tears of weariness and frustration. Who? Who? Who can help me? (Who is a better question than why when I’m stuck…who can come alongside and help?).

TA DA! Someone’s name pops to mind. I reach out and at 10pm that night she’s hired. Dear Universe-I love you. I send her my speaking notes and outline and she commits to spending and an hour finding images for me. WHEW! I sigh with relief and feel good. And by 11:30pm she has sent me a folder of images corresponding with each of my themes/points and her invoice. Done.

CRAP! It’s still not working. It isn’t where I want it to be. To use the images I was sent, I’ll have to let go of my cartoons. I LOVE my custom-designed characters. It’s a bad mashup of Mozart and Looney Tunes.

Cue the silent screaming, audible sighs and fuckity, fuck, fucks.

Placing Polyanna, with her rose coloured glasses into the driver’s seat and the upside is I have clarity. I’m much closer to knowing what I do want, because now I’m very clear on what I don’t want. (Seriously, knowing what we don’t want is a good thing and often easier to identify than what we do want. Use it. If you don’t want X, then what do you want?)

STOP! I must STOP! Get out of my own way! NOW! I’m spinning into chaos. Nothing good comes from a negative spin (except clarity) but it feels out of control and I don’t like being out of control!

BREATHE! And repeat. Breathe and repeat. Breathe and centre. Breathe. Notice the calm. It’s there, look for it. Breathe deep–matching the length of the inhale with the length of the exhale.

TRUST! Go back to who? Who can help for where I’m at right now? I am not a graphic designer. Time to stop spinning and find someone who is. DUH!

TA DA! Called her on a Sunday afternoon. She answered the phone and is available to work on my project. YES! She can complete it in under 3 days. YES! Dear Universe-thank you.

TA DA! It works. Background completely changed. Blend of new images with custom cartoon characters. Works with previous branding and catapults me on the path to where I want to go.

SO – the lesson?

For me, it’s a reminder. A reminder to stop. A reminder to get my head out of my ass and take a higher view. A reminder that I am supported if I allow it. A reminder that when I’m pushing hard and nothing is coming together, it means I’m on the wrong track, not that I’m on the wrong path.

My adrenaline-seeking, adventure-loving self, thinks this ride would be a blast. Past experience has proven otherwise. I know when I’m spinning out of control with no grounded center it’s not a pretty sight. Now if only I could recognize the ride in my mind as easily as I do when I see one at the amusement park.

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